Showbiz!: My Life as a Middle-Aged Man

In the dazzling, often disorienting landscape of Hollywood, even seasoned veterans can find themselves navigating a labyrinth of ambition, illusion, and unexpected turns. Murray Hill, a multifaceted artist known for his work as an author, comedian, and drag king, offers a candid and compelling glimpse into this enigmatic world with his new memoir, Showbiz!: My Life as a Middle-Aged Man. Published by Gallery Books, the book charts Hill’s remarkable journey from a challenging childhood in New England to a celebrated career gracing stages in New York and Boston’s vibrant cabaret scenes, and gracing screens in popular television series such as Somebody, Somewhere, Life & Beth, and Elsbeth.

Hill’s memoir is more than just a personal chronicle; it serves as a testament to resilience and the enduring power of artistic expression in the face of industry pressures. His narrative delves into the complexities of aging in a youth-obsessed culture, the pursuit of authentic selfhood, and the often-unseen labor that underpins a successful performing career. Through a blend of poignant reflection and sharp wit, Hill unpacks the realities of show business, offering readers an intimate look at the triumphs and tribulations that have shaped his life and career.

In an exclusive feature for Vogue‘s esteemed Required Reading series, Murray Hill illuminated the literary inspirations that have guided him, both in crafting his own narrative and in navigating the often-unpredictable currents of his professional life. These selected works not only resonated with his personal experiences but also provided solace, wisdom, and a framework for understanding the human condition within the context of the performing arts.

Literary Pillars of Resilience and Rebellion

Hill’s curated list offers a profound insight into the figures and narratives that have influenced his perspective on artistry, survival, and self-definition. These selections span genres and eras, united by a common thread of courage, authenticity, and a refusal to conform.

Rebel Girl: My Life as a Feminist Punk by Kathleen Hanna

Kathleen Hanna, a seminal figure in feminist punk rock, stands as a powerful muse for Hill. He describes Hanna not only as a dear friend but as a lifelong inspiration whose life’s work embodies a spirit of unwavering defiance. "She’s spent her life making noise, breaking rules, and telling the establishment to beat it," Hill notes. The memoir’s raw and unflinching portrayal of the challenges Hanna faced resonated deeply with Hill, underscoring the immense effort required to carve out a space for oneself and ignite a movement. Hanna’s narrative serves as a potent reminder that true revolution often begins with claiming one’s own stage and voice.

The punk movement, which emerged in the mid-1970s, was characterized by its DIY ethos, anti-establishment stance, and a raw, energetic musical style. Hanna, as the frontwoman for bands like Bikini Kill and Le Tigre, became a central figure in the riot grrrl subgenre, advocating for feminist ideals and challenging patriarchal structures within music and society. Her memoir, Rebel Girl, published in 2023, details her journey from her early activism to her influential career, offering a firsthand account of the struggles and triumphs of being a feminist artist in a male-dominated industry. This resonates with Hill’s own experiences in navigating the often-gendered expectations of the entertainment world.

I, Tina by Tina Turner and Kurt Loder

The autobiography of the legendary Tina Turner, I, Tina, holds a particularly sacred place in Hill’s literary pantheon. He likens Turner’s transformative journey to a divine intervention, stating, "If I were a religious person (I’m still a Catholic), Tina would be my God." Turner’s story, co-authored with Kurt Loder, is a harrowing account of enduring profound abuse and staging a spectacular comeback that captivated the globe. Hill is drawn to the sheer force of will and unwavering determination that allowed Turner to not only survive but to reclaim her life and her career with unparalleled power and grace. Her ability to emerge from unimaginable hardship and achieve global superstardom serves as a profound metaphor for resilience and the ultimate triumph of the human spirit.

Tina Turner’s life story is a powerful narrative of survival and reinvention. Born Anna Mae Bullock in 1939, she rose to fame in the 1960s and 70s alongside her husband, Ike Turner. After escaping an abusive marriage, she launched a solo career that cemented her status as a global icon, characterized by her electrifying performances and iconic hits like "What’s Love Got to Do with It" and "Proud Mary." Her memoir, released in 1986, predated her massive solo comeback, offering a candid look at the abuse she endured and her courageous decision to forge her own path. This narrative of breaking free and achieving self-determination is a potent theme for anyone striving for creative and personal liberation.

Rage to Survive by Etta James and David Ritz

Etta James, a powerhouse vocalist whose career spanned decades, is celebrated in Hill’s reflections for her immense talent and her equally tumultuous life. Rage to Survive, co-authored with David Ritz, chronicles James’s struggles with addiction, heartbreak, and the chaotic circumstances that often surrounded her. Hill connects with the raw, unvarnished honesty of her narrative, recognizing that survival itself is a monumental achievement. "Etta’s story reminded me that surviving is an accomplishment in itself, even before the curtain goes up," he states, highlighting the profound courage it takes to continue creating and performing amidst personal adversity.

Etta James’s career, which began in the 1950s, saw her become a pivotal figure in blues, soul, and R&B music. Known for her commanding voice and emotionally charged performances, she recorded hits like "At Last," "I’d Rather Go Blind," and "The Wallflower (Dance with Me, Henry)." Her autobiography, published in 1995, unflinchingly details her lifelong battles with drug addiction, poverty, and abusive relationships, juxtaposed with the transcendent power of her music. This duality of suffering and artistic brilliance is a recurring theme in Hill’s appreciation of performers who transform personal pain into universal expression.

Actress of a Certain Age by Jeff Hiller

The inclusion of Actress of a Certain Age by Jeff Hiller, a close friend of Hill’s, adds a layer of personal connection and shared experience. Hill describes Hiller as one of the funniest people he knows, and their shared journey in show business, marked by decades of waiting for opportunities, forms a central theme. Hiller’s memoir is presented as a testament to the fact that success has no expiration date, particularly for those who, like Hill and Hiller, are middle-aged men who embrace improvisation and resilience. "Nobody deserves a standing ovation more than this guy," Hill emphatically declares, underscoring his admiration for Hiller’s perseverance and well-earned recognition.

Jeff Hiller’s memoir, Actress of a Certain Age: My Twenty-Year Trail to Overnight Success, published in 2024, offers a humorous and insightful look at the slow burn of a career in comedy and acting. Hiller, known for his roles in shows like 30 Rock and his work in improv comedy, details the often-unseen grind of the entertainment industry, emphasizing the importance of patience, dedication, and the ability to find humor in the inevitable setbacks. His narrative aligns with Hill’s own experiences, celebrating the achievements of performers who find their stride later in life.

Finding Me by Viola Davis

Viola Davis’s memoir, Finding Me, is lauded by Hill for its profound honesty and its unflinching exploration of trauma and the fight for visibility. Davis’s narrative of growing up in poverty and facing immense hardship before rising to become a celebrated actress struck a deep chord with Hill. He identifies with the struggle of feeling unseen and the arduous process of asserting one’s identity. "She didn’t just find herself, she fought like hell to become herself," Hill observes, emphasizing Davis’s active and tenacious pursuit of self-actualization. The memoir stands as a powerful example of how personal narrative can become a source of strength and inspiration for millions.

Viola Davis’s Finding Me, released in 2022, was a critical and commercial success, earning her a Grammy Award for Best Audio Book, Narration, and Storytelling Recording. The memoir chronicles her journey from her impoverished childhood in rural South Carolina, marked by abuse and struggle, to her emergence as one of Hollywood’s most respected and acclaimed actresses. Davis’s story is one of overcoming immense obstacles, confronting systemic racism and personal trauma, and ultimately embracing her authentic self. Her candor and vulnerability have resonated with audiences worldwide, solidifying her as a significant cultural voice.

Yes I Can by Sammy Davis Jr.

The autobiography of Sammy Davis Jr., Yes I Can, is highlighted by Hill for its depiction of a legendary entertainer who overcame extraordinary odds. Davis, a prodigious talent known for his multifaceted abilities in singing, dancing, acting, and comedy, faced significant racial prejudice throughout his career. Hill is particularly moved by Davis’s journey of navigating a segregated entertainment world and still managing to captivate audiences globally. Davis’s ability to make the arduous appear effortless taught Hill a crucial lesson: "showbiz magic is making it look easy when nothing about it is." This underscores the dedication and sacrifice inherent in true artistry.

Sammy Davis Jr. was one of the most versatile performers of the 20th century, a member of the iconic Rat Pack, and a trailblazer in the entertainment industry. His autobiography, Yes I Can: The Story of Sammy Davis Jr., co-written with Burt Boyar and published in 1965, chronicles his early life and rise to stardom. The book details his experiences with racism, his conversion to Judaism, and his relentless pursuit of success in a landscape that often sought to limit him. Davis’s narrative is a testament to perseverance, talent, and the power of embracing one’s full identity in the face of adversity.

Any and all books by David Sedaris

David Sedaris, a master of observational humor and poignant personal essays, is a consistently cited influence for Hill. Sedaris’s unique ability to find the absurd and often humiliating aspects of everyday life, family dynamics, and human behavior resonates deeply with Hill. "He reminds me that sometimes you don’t need to make anything up. Just tell people what happened, because just as life is absurd, it is funny, too," Hill remarks. Sedaris’s work validates the idea that authenticity, even in its most awkward and uncomfortable forms, can be a powerful source of both humor and connection.

David Sedaris has built a prolific career on his sharp wit and keen observations of the human condition. His published works, including essay collections like Me Talk Pretty One Day, Naked, and Calypso, are celebrated for their blend of self-deprecating humor, profound empathy, and unflinching honesty. Sedaris’s essays often explore themes of family, cultural differences, and the quirks of human relationships, drawing from his own life experiences. His ability to transform the mundane into the hilarious and the painful into the insightful has made him one of the most beloved humorists of his generation.

Becoming Richard Pryor by Scott Saul

The exploration of Richard Pryor’s life and legacy, as detailed in Scott Saul’s Becoming Richard Pryor, holds a significant place for Hill, who considers Pryor his all-time favorite comedian. Pryor’s genius lay in his ability to transform personal pain, trauma, and societal injustices into groundbreaking comedy. Hill admires Pryor for his revolutionary approach, which involved confronting uncomfortable truths and societal taboos with unflinching honesty. "Pryor taught me that comedy can be dangerous, uncomfortable, and still bring down the house," Hill explains, recognizing the profound impact of comedy that dares to be both cathartic and challenging.

Scott Saul’s biography, Becoming Richard Pryor, published in 2017, offers a comprehensive and nuanced look at the life of the legendary comedian. The book delves into Pryor’s formative years, his groundbreaking stand-up routines, his personal struggles with addiction and illness, and his lasting influence on comedy and popular culture. Saul’s work highlights Pryor’s role as a cultural commentator who used his art to expose racism, hypocrisy, and the complexities of the human experience, making him a figure of immense significance in the history of American entertainment.

Born Standing Up by Steve Martin

Steve Martin’s memoir, Born Standing Up, resonates with Hill’s understanding of the arduous journey of comedic development. Martin’s account of years spent honing an often-misunderstood act, performing in less-than-ideal venues, and meticulously refining his craft speaks to the dedication required to achieve comedic mastery. Hill relates to the "loneliness, obsession, and sheer stubbornness" Martin describes, recognizing that the perception of "overnight success" often belies years of relentless effort and countless failures. Martin’s book serves as a reminder of the invisible labor that underpins comedic brilliance.

Steve Martin, a multi-talented performer renowned for his work in comedy, acting, writing, and music, chronicled his early career in stand-up comedy in Born Standing Up: A Comic’s Life, published in 2007. The memoir details his experimental approach to comedy in the 1970s, his rise to fame as a stadium-filling performer, and his eventual transition to other artistic pursuits. Martin’s narrative emphasizes the importance of artistic integrity, the dedication to craft, and the solitary nature of developing a unique comedic voice. His insights offer a profound look at the commitment required to innovate within the realm of performance.

Bossypants by Tina Fey

Tina Fey’s Bossypants is celebrated by Hill for its sharp intelligence, humor, and unapologetic embrace of ambition. Fey’s ability to navigate the entertainment industry while maintaining her distinctive voice and comedic sensibility serves as an inspiration. Hill is particularly drawn to Fey’s honesty regarding ambition, insecurity, and the inherent absurdity of show business. "She’s living proof that you can be the boss, get the laugh, and still have absolutely no idea what you’re doing half the time," Hill quips, highlighting Fey’s relatable portrayal of navigating success with humor and self-awareness.

Tina Fey, a comedic force known for her work on Saturday Night Live and her creation of the sitcom 30 Rock, published Bossypants in 2011. The memoir offers a humorous and insightful look at her experiences as a woman in comedy, exploring themes of ambition, motherhood, and the challenges of leadership in a male-dominated field. Fey’s writing is characterized by its sharp wit, clever observations, and a down-to-earth honesty that has endeared her to a wide audience. Her narrative celebrates the complexities of modern womanhood and the pursuit of creative fulfillment.

Never Mind the Happy by Marc Shaiman

Marc Shaiman, a celebrated composer and lyricist with extensive credits in Broadway and film, is described by Hill as a walking repository of show business knowledge. Shaiman’s career has involved collaborations with a vast array of artists, including Hill himself. Hill admires Shaiman’s deep-seated passion for performance, which stems from a youthful desire to simply "put on a show." This shared sentiment, the innate drive to create and entertain, forms a personal connection for Hill, who identifies with Shaiman’s enduring artistic spirit.

Marc Shaiman, known for his work on musicals like Hairspray and film scores such as When Harry Met Sally… and Sleepless in Seattle, has compiled a collection of his writings in Never Mind the Happy: Showbiz Stories from a Sore Winner. This book offers a behind-the-scenes look at his illustrious career, filled with anecdotes and observations from the world of theater and film. Shaiman’s work often captures the collaborative spirit and the inherent drama of theatrical production, reflecting a deep affection for the craft of storytelling through music and performance.

The Comedians by Kliph Nesteroff

Kliph Nesteroff’s The Comedians is lauded by Hill as a compelling historical account of American comedy, particularly appealing to his fascination with the often-unconventional figures who shaped the art form. Hill expresses a particular fondness for the "drunks, thieves, scoundrels, and the people doing three shows a night for 20 bucks and a sandwich." This perspective highlights his appreciation for the resilience and hustle of comedians who paved the way, often in challenging circumstances. Nesteroff’s work, for Hill, feels like discovering a lineage, a family tree of those who used laughter as a means of survival and expression.

The Comedians: Drunks, Thieves, Scoundrels, and the History of American Comedy, published in 2015, offers an exhaustive and entertaining history of stand-up comedy in the United States. Kliph Nesteroff meticulously traces the evolution of comedy from its vaudevillian roots through various eras, spotlighting the often-unseen figures who defied convention and pushed boundaries. The book details the lives and careers of comedians who faced hardship, discrimination, and societal pressures, demonstrating how their struggles often fueled their comedic genius. This historical perspective resonates with Hill’s admiration for the raw, authentic, and often-underappreciated side of the entertainment world.

Ten Steps to Nanette by Hannah Gadsby

Hannah Gadsby’s Ten Steps to Nanette represents a pivotal moment for Hill, as Gadsby’s work challenged the very foundations of comedy as a means of processing pain. Gadsby’s groundbreaking special, Nanette, questioned the expectation that comedians must turn their suffering into entertainment. Hill, who has long used humor as a coping mechanism, finds profound significance in Gadsby’s courage to tell a story without offering an easy escape. "Sometimes the bravest thing a comedian can do is tell a story without giving the audience a way out," he reflects, acknowledging the power of vulnerability and honesty in performance.

Hannah Gadsby’s memoir, Ten Steps to Nanette: A Memoir Situation, published in 2021, expands upon the themes introduced in her critically acclaimed Netflix special, Nanette. The book provides a deeper dive into Gadsby’s personal history, exploring themes of trauma, identity, and the complex relationship between an artist and their audience. Gadsby’s work is characterized by its intellectual rigor, emotional depth, and a fearless willingness to confront difficult truths. Her narrative challenges conventional comedic structures and explores the potential for storytelling to be both deeply personal and universally resonant.

Leslie Fcking Jones* by Leslie Jones

Leslie Jones, a comedic force of nature, is celebrated by Hill for her uninhibited spirit and her unwavering authenticity. Jones’s journey, marked by years of relentless dedication in comedy clubs before achieving widespread recognition, embodies the hustle and determination Hill admires. He applauds her fearlessness and her refusal to conform to expectations, stating, "I love anybody who’s been told they’re too much and responds by turning up the volume." Hill’s admiration for Jones stems from her powerful assertion of self, making the entertainment industry accommodate her unique persona rather than the other way around.

Leslie Jones, known for her breakout role on Saturday Night Live and her starring roles in films like Ghostbusters (2016), has become a prominent voice in contemporary comedy. Her memoir, Leslie Fcking Jones*, published in 2024, offers a candid and often hilarious account of her life and career. Jones recounts her experiences with adversity, her rise to fame, and her commitment to staying true to herself in a demanding industry. Her narrative is a testament to resilience, humor, and the power of embracing one’s individuality, resonating with those who champion authenticity and bold self-expression.

The curated list of books reflects Murray Hill’s deep appreciation for artists who have navigated the complexities of fame, personal hardship, and societal expectations with courage, honesty, and an unwavering commitment to their craft. These literary companions have not only shaped his understanding of the performing arts but have also provided him with the wisdom and inspiration to forge his own unique path in the ever-evolving landscape of showbiz.